Why Babysitting is Going to Make Me a Better Mom.

Preface:  

I am not a mom yet. But I am terribly excited and nervous about stepping into that role.  As I prepare for marriage, and since life belongs to God, simultaneous preparation for motherhood is essential.

I babysat for a wonderful couple a few nights ago after (and before) talking with the wisest woman I know.

Their little man is active, cuddly, selfish, wild, and inquisitive--and is the by far the best I've seen at going to bed when I put him down.  A+, Turner's. 

See what I mean by inquisitive?  "What is that? What is that?" 

And I love that he definitively tells me it's not a bird he hears.

Though I am not his mother and do not get to spend time with him day in and day out, I do see glimpses of his innate sin and his God-given gifts. 

(i.e. His cuddling abilities are superb. When he's in my lap and I'm reading to him, he reaches one or both of his chubby arms up and rubs a few strands of my hair between his tiny fingers. Darn close to Heaven.)

He really is such a good toddler, but I am legitimately tired after he falls asleep, after only being with him for a few hours.  My fatigue coupled with Dave and Lauren's thankfulness for some time alone together makes me realize how vital it will be to rely on my church to spend time with my kids so my husband and I can spend time as a couple.

Being a first-born, Type-A, "perfectionist", I am prone to self-sufficiency. The notion of impossible independence and self-reliance are sins with which I wrestle.  I know the Gospel, and know that self-righteousness is antithetical to that message, but yet I still fear failing.  

(So perhaps giving grace to those who have knowledge but not yet behavior modification would be Christ-like?)

I do not want my children to see me being perfect.  I want them to see me as I am; as Jesus died for me--needy, dependent, and broken. 

I want my children to see the incredible blessing and vitality of being a part of a church body.  I want them to see that I am not fully capable of handling them every day.  I want them to witness young people who are following Jesus and seeking older, wise council.  I want them to see that marriage requires consistent, intentional commitment and work.  

I am grateful that I have been graciously given up-close examples of families who rely on Jesus.  I am grateful that babysitting makes me presuppose on my sinfulness as a mother and wife, and my continual need for the promise of Jesus.