Sticky Notes & Being Loved Well.

A wise woman in my life told me months ago that she thanks God that her husband fails her, because if he didn't, she wouldn't need God.

I love that--mostly because I love when Bradley is not failing, and am frequently disappointed when he ultimately does (duh, he isn't Jesus).  This leads to excessive criticism because my hope in that moment is in someone who will disappoint me.

I hope Bradley has been thanking God that I fail him lately...because I haven't been so great to him.  Yesterday, I had yet to start a paper that was due this afternoon and was preparing for my first final exam today.  Along with other frustrations that were out of my control, I was downright cranky.

Bradley and I walked to class together yesterday morning, and during that five-minute conversation I managed to vent my frustrations and turn them on him.  

Nooot the sweetest thing to do. 

I didn't even apologize immediately.  I did once I saw him that afternoon--but it stinks to be mean to someone who is being patient with you. 

I met up with him to apologize, and so we studied together afterward.  I was doing my laundry and when I realized my clothes weren't dry enough, and I didn't have time to wait because I had class at 1:30.  He offered/told me he would wait for them to finish and would take them to my room if someone was there to open the suite door.

Well, when I returned to my room, this was the sight:

He covered my room in sticky notes...

He folded my laundry...

He wrote me a poem and pointed me to biblical Truth...

Needless to say, I was crying after I read those items.

And I found more sticky notes today:

...and that's not even all of them.

So today, after I got out of my final exam and last class of the day, he called me and told me he wanted to meet up with me.  I was frustrated on the phone (though I had just finished a final, and felt great about it!)...because my class was dismissed 20 minutes late.

Is there a more lame reason to take frustration out on another person?


I'm even embarrassed to write down how quickly I forget Jesus, how quickly I forget that He is Lord, this life is not my own, and all good things come from Him and not me.

So we met at a swing outside, and Bradley gave me this:

In his precious, 6-year-old handwriting, he wrote (most of) the names that God gives Himself in Scripture.
Yesterday, when Bradley was super sweet to me, of course I was giddy and felt so loved by him...Thank You, Lord that he doesn't stand for that too long.

When Bradley handed me this, he said to me,
"You could not use any one of these words to describe me, yet even these words are not sufficient to capture all that God is."

Ummmm, so does Bradley point me to Jesus, or does he point me to Jesus?

After my selfishness and impatience reared its ugly head directly at him, Bradley obeyed the Spirit's leading to choose to offer me grace instead of reprimand.

I am easily frustrated and critical, and he definitely has his sin patterns and struggles (I love to focus on them, so even recording this is a good discipline for me), but I am so thankful for a man who loves Jesus more than me and who loves me like Jesus first loved me.  

As great as Bradley is, even on his best days--when he is aware of his sin and God's glory, and even when he is loving me well--he is in desperation for salvation.

Jesus' love for me is completely unmerited.  He first chose to love me and He most clearly showed me His love for me by stepping off of His throne, living, dying, and resurrecting on earth, and sending His Spirit to help me in my struggle to love Him back.

I am nothing; He is everything.
My words cannot contain Him and my life is hid with Him.

He delights in me because I am covered by Jesus' blood--and for no other reason.
THAT is being loved well.

Wonderful Wednesday!

Happy Wednesday!
This week is dead week--because I'll be dead by Friday.
Then next week I die again because final exams commence...gulp.

So I am happy classes are nearly over, but not ready to lock myself in the library for hours at a time.
No thank you.


 But tonight is small group and Bradley was extra sweet today...so let's focus on the good, shall we?

Wonderful Scripture:
Romans 1:16-17
Romans 12, particularly verses 14-21 were so impactful on my heart and life last week, so I've decided to read through Romans.

Wonderful Friend:

H and I so kindly sharing some dead week delirium...

Wonderful Picture:

Thanks Prof Knight...a baby with a mouth full of sand is super inspiring.

Wonderful Food:
Black coffee. My energy/life source. Poor life decisions.

Wonderful Outing:
Bradley and I went to dinner on Saturday night with two other couples that we met through the church (not Summit) softball team that he plays for.

Wonderful Pin:

It happens.

I hope you are having a wonderful Wednesday and are much more optimistic than I!

Your Plans for Sunday Night.

There is a plethora of bad Christian music--and I mean bad in all senses of the word.  Fragmented theology (yes, music displays your theology), cheesy sound, and most of the sugary-sweet, God-is-out-to-make-me-happy songs on Christian radio appear to be virtually the same.

This post is not out to make a case against the music that tells lies about who God is and what He is about--although this is a huge problem; I want to show you music that worships God as He is--on the Cross, on the throne, and in our chest.

The Summit Worship team has written, composed, and produced a worship album that proclaims the Gospel.  At the Summit, we frequently use the phrase "Jesus in my place" as the Gospel message--we are fallen and utterly wicked; God in His goodness and grace sent Jesus to live, die, and resurrect by the power of the Holy Spirit, so that our sins would be atoned for; so that we can now stand in the righteousness of Jesus before God, knowing unquestionably that He is the Lord.

This Sunday night, April 29th at 6 - 7:15 PM at the Brier Creek campus, the Summit Worship team is hosting a Night of Worship in which the new CD will be released.  Come out, bring friends, and worship Jesus.

Here's a sneak peek at some of the songs on the CD!

Friday Finds.

Happy Friday!

Here's my list of five, fervent, enlightening articles I discovered this week!

Prayer, Ghandi, Ryan Gosling, evangelism, and comparison are all discussed.

Check 'em out: 

1)  Prayer and Talking to my Children
Brad Hambrick, counseling pastor at The Summit Church

"...I saw in my prayerlessness an intentionally isolated child trying to make meaning of life without engaging their Father for help.  Why would I do that?"

2)  Gandhi Doesn't Like Us

Tim Challies, pastor of Grace Fellowship Church

"Jesus reserved the harshest words for the religious elite, those who declared that they were holy, that they understood the nature of God, that they had achieved some kind of enlightenment."

3)  Ryan Gosling, Romance Novels, and the Dangers of Fantasizing

Anna Broadway, writer for Hermenutics

"Though we almost always turn to them when life's brokenness has reasserted itself, such fantasies represent the wrong kind of change."

4)  The Fire of Belief
Douglas Wilson, from The Resurgence blog

"A relativistic age is sure of nothing, except for a dogged commitment to the necessity of that relativism."

5)  Marriage Poison 
Sharon Hodde Miller, from her blog, She Worships

"...when reality is competing with fantasy, fantasy always wins."

What are some great articles you've read recently?

Wonderful Wednesday!

Happy Wednesday! 
My second year of college has been BY FAR the best--Jesus has become bigger, there has been greater challenge, deeper relationships, and more fun.  I want to savor this time in my life and use the resources and relationships I have to become more sanctified and sacrificial.

I am continually amazed at the people Jesus had given me with whom to share this life.

Wonderful Song:

I drove home and back alone this weekend, which was great (although I always prefer company) for my prayer life.  Highways, country music, and long prayers are wonderfully cohesive. I don't listen to country music any other time, but I heard this song multiple times and think it's super cute.

Wonderful Scripture:

Romans 12:19-21
On Monday, Bradley was telling me about this scripture--I have never studied this passage extensively, but I've heard and been confused by the phrase "...for by doing so you will heap burning coals on their head." He explained that by returning kindness for sin, people will be awakened to Jesus in you (because responding to hurt with grace is antithetical to the human nature).  Your Christlike character will "heaping burning coals on their head" and will provoke others to realize their need for the Gospel. 

Don't you love that?  The Spirit's power in me to give the forgiveness to others that God has given me, will make others awakened to the reality and Lordship of Jesus.

Wonderful Friend:

I got some one-on-one time with this chubster and his beautiful mom late last week :)

Wonderful Picture:

On Monday, I went to Bradley's softball game (he plays on one of his friend's church's softball team--it's a big deal in Smithfield, NC!). I met two sweet girls whose boyfriends play on the team, I connected with them, and the three couples are going to hang out Saturday night!

Wonderful Food:

NOODLES! I made them for the first time in my life this weekend!

Wonderful Outing:

Last night Bradley and I went to Summit's monthly EQUIP Leadership Forum! This one was a little different in that the men and women were separated. I was given a wealth of wisdom to glean from women in our church. The two sessions I attended were "The Whole Bible for the Whole Woman" by Lauren Ashford and "Women Discipling Women: Digging Deeper Wells."

Not Pictured:
Lots of time with my parents and my brother.  I took a video of Trey (who is 16 years old) singing and dancing with some scuba gear and my boots on his hands...but there's a little too much booty shaking. The vision is sufficient to disturb.

What is a small way that has God shown You love this week?

Why Babysitting is Going to Make Me a Better Mom.

Preface:  

I am not a mom yet. But I am terribly excited and nervous about stepping into that role.  As I prepare for marriage, and since life belongs to God, simultaneous preparation for motherhood is essential.

I babysat for a wonderful couple a few nights ago after (and before) talking with the wisest woman I know.

Their little man is active, cuddly, selfish, wild, and inquisitive--and is the by far the best I've seen at going to bed when I put him down.  A+, Turner's. 

See what I mean by inquisitive?  "What is that? What is that?" 

And I love that he definitively tells me it's not a bird he hears.

Though I am not his mother and do not get to spend time with him day in and day out, I do see glimpses of his innate sin and his God-given gifts. 

(i.e. His cuddling abilities are superb. When he's in my lap and I'm reading to him, he reaches one or both of his chubby arms up and rubs a few strands of my hair between his tiny fingers. Darn close to Heaven.)

He really is such a good toddler, but I am legitimately tired after he falls asleep, after only being with him for a few hours.  My fatigue coupled with Dave and Lauren's thankfulness for some time alone together makes me realize how vital it will be to rely on my church to spend time with my kids so my husband and I can spend time as a couple.

Being a first-born, Type-A, "perfectionist", I am prone to self-sufficiency. The notion of impossible independence and self-reliance are sins with which I wrestle.  I know the Gospel, and know that self-righteousness is antithetical to that message, but yet I still fear failing.  

(So perhaps giving grace to those who have knowledge but not yet behavior modification would be Christ-like?)

I do not want my children to see me being perfect.  I want them to see me as I am; as Jesus died for me--needy, dependent, and broken. 

I want my children to see the incredible blessing and vitality of being a part of a church body.  I want them to see that I am not fully capable of handling them every day.  I want them to witness young people who are following Jesus and seeking older, wise council.  I want them to see that marriage requires consistent, intentional commitment and work.  

I am grateful that I have been graciously given up-close examples of families who rely on Jesus.  I am grateful that babysitting makes me presuppose on my sinfulness as a mother and wife, and my continual need for the promise of Jesus. 

My Kids Will Thank Me.

Yesterday I grew up a little. 

I cooked noodles for the first time in my life.  

This monumental life achievement has done wonders for my confidence in my capabilities as a future mother.  

I left Raleigh that morning without eating breakfast and had an interview for a job this summer at 1:30, so I didn't eat for fear of bad breath. Needless to say, by the time I got home at 3, my stomach was being rather demanding.

I was craving pasta salad. I knew I had to face my fear.

I began by boiling water. Never done this in my life. Not as scary as previously presumed.  

Then I placed the noodles in the pot.

(There's got to be a better method than just using your hands. Especially for shorter noodles. I basically had to put then in the pot one at a time.)

While the noodles cooked, I chopped some yummy veggies.

Since I prefer noodles to be more firm than soft, they were finished cooking in about ten minutes.

This was the glorious view.

I then drained the noodles. In a drainer. Because I do it all the time.

Allie came and stood at the edge of the kitchen. Likely out of curiosity of me in the kitchen and fear of the kitchen exploding.

I texted this picture to my mom:

And we had the following conversation.  I just knew she was beaming. 

Secret: She hates cooking just as much as I am bad at it.

I also whipped up this super complicated, super original dressing to make it a pasta salad.

It was delicious nonetheless.

Confusion began to set in.  She was just as surprised as I was.

Now that I can cook noodles the possibilities truly are endless. 

Not quite.

To make it heartier, I would probably add chick peas or edamame (probably both), chicken (so that other people in my family would eat it), and maybe some feta (so that no one else in my family would eat it).

When did you first learn to cook?

Friday Finds.

Happy Friday!

"All my bags are packed I'm ready to go"

...song reference?

As of about 11:00pm today, I'm I-40 East bound! I have a job interview for a summer position at a daycare in Wilmington!

Here are some urgent, important, worshipful articles I discovered this week...

(confession: or last week)

...check them out!

1)  This is awkward, but...how's your present?

Ben Reed, small groups pastor at Grace Community Church

"Talking about your present struggles is like swallowing a spoonful of medicine.  You know it's going to help, but it tastes rancid going down."

2)  Otherness

Jen Wilkin, mother, writer and member of The Village Church

"This world is not our home.  We are sojourners, travelers on our way to the only true comfort the human heart can know.  I will not help you populate your life with things that lessen your grip on this reality...because I love your Heavenly Father above all else.  And I will give an account to Him for whether I have raised citizens of Earth or citizens of Heaven."

3)    Should Christians Boycott Starbucks?

Dr. Russell Moore, Dean of the School of Theology and Senior Vice-President for Academic Administration at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

"The argument behind a boycott assumes that the "rightness" of a marriage definition is constituted by a majority with power.  Isn't that precisely what we're arguing against?"

4)  When Prayer is a Struggle

Tresta Payne, mother.

"But this is a Friday with new mercies and why not pancakes?  They come out of their rooms confused, but thankful.  
That must be the joy -- thankful confusion."

5)  When Foot Washing Is Not About the Feet

Elyse Fitzpatrick, biblical counselor

"We need to wash one another, to carefully probe, cleanse, disinfect, and heal each other, and this isn't something we can see clearly enough to do on our own.  We need the eyes and hands of others."

What are some great articles you've read recently?

Take Note: Charles Spurgeon

Charles Spurgeon was a 19th century British Baptist pastor whose fervor for the Risen Jesus is something by which believers are still inspired and challenged.

The following is an excerpt from a sermon he delivered on August 1, 1875.  The sermon was entitled "The Choice of a Leader."

"We must be all conscious that we imitate those whom we admire. Love has a strange influence over our nature, to mould it into the form beloved. A true disciple is like clay on the wheel, and his Master fashions him after his own image. We may be scarcely conscious of it, but we are most surely being conformed to the likeness of those to whose influence we submit ourselves.

"Whoever then your Master may be, dear friend, you are changing into his image: if you choose to be led by the votary of pleasure, you will become more and more frivolous; if you admire the slave of avarice, you will become avaricious, if you feel the sway of the minion of vice, you will grow vicious yourself. If a man who despises the word of God becomes your hero, you will ere long despise it too: while men are gazing upon him with admiration, a kind of photography is going on, and you, like a sensitive plate, receive his image. I charge you, therefore, to be careful who becomes your guide."

I need to preach this to myself daily.  Every influence I submit myself to should be intentional, so as to refine my character and labor for Christ's fame.  Though I deem the influence to which I submit myself is mostly aware of sin and worshipful of Jesus, I need to constantly check myself.  Am I actually worshipping Jesus?  Or am I worshipping someone(s) who love Him?


I am extremely apt to people please and therefore need to ensure that I am aiming to please and give glory to the Giver of Life, not another person.


Jesus is my treasure, my hope, and my rock.  He died for me; He took my place--no one else did that.  Submitting to church authority and seeking wise council is a part of submitting to God, but I need to remind myself that Jesus pursued me before anyone else did.  I need to study Him before I can study another's thoughts.


He is the perfect example of fulfilling the law; no other person has done or will ever do this.


My life is hid with Him; I will give an account to Him and Him alone.

Wonderful Wednesday!

Happy Wednesday! 

I'm taking a break from writing this excruciating thesis paper for my History of the Middle Ages class to share with you some wonderfulness!  

Wonderful Song:

"The Church" - Elevation Worship
I love running to this song, mostly because of the charge it gives to the Church. Regardless on your thoughts (or mine) about Elevation Church, this song exhorts believers to preach the Gospel--and the Church needs to be exhorted more, no doubt.

Wonderful Scripture:

Exodus 8:18-19

How cool is that? Even the Egyptian magicians recognized God's superior and ultimate power.

Wonderful Friend:

My brother, Trey.
After I went to my family's Easter church service, my family and Bradley went to visit Nana and Papa Earl (my mom's parents) at Papa Earl's nursing home.
Trey partook in a self photo shoot with my phone
(unedited, in full glory):

So I joined him.
He is seriously awesome.

Wonderful Picture:

Gertie, Bradley's 15-year-old first love/dog. When we pulled into his driveway on Wednesday for Easter break, Gertie ran up to me.
A 15-year-old dog ran. Made my day.

Wonderful Pin:

Paint swatches as gift tags--seriously, how smart is this?

Crying in Public & a Heart for Lost People.

I went to the library earlier this afternoon to write a paper, and instead ended up praying and dwelling on Scripture (common occurrence)—but so is reading other blogs, blogging, pinteresting, excessively writing in my planner, and making lists.  Type A, I know. 

I was sitting at a table by myself in a small common area.  There was minimal chatter and lots of goose bumps.  Our library is freezing. 

A group of students convened to work on a group project at a larger table to my forefront; one student was blind and had a guide dog accompanying him. 

Once about half an hour passed, I finally collected myself after shedding several tears over God’s heart for a group of people I love—I’m accustomed to crying in public; I do it so often it’s hardly embarrassing anymore. 

The group disassembled and the student who was blind stood up and began to leave the table.  The walkway was short before he had to turn right to descend the stairs and exit the library.  However, as he made his way down the walkway, his guide dog didn’t make him turn right, and the student walked directly into another student who was working at another table.  The collision was audible and my heart broke for the blind student’s embarrassment. 

The student quickly found his way around the corner, down the stairs, and practically ran out of the double doors—only heightening the number of eyes on him. 

Since I had been crying only a couple of minutes beforehand, I proceeded to march myself to the bathroom, as I was a basket case.  I wanted to glare at every person that was staring at the student, as if that would alleviate his humiliation and make me feel better.  I’m glad that I didn’t.  I’m half as bold as I think myself to be—even if it’s about chastisement. 

Here comes the analogy…

Does my heart break for spiritually blind people?  Do I weep at the sight of a person who does not know and love Jesus Christ as Lord?  Am I filled with sorrow when I see a nonbeliever “collide” with their sin and disappointments and their lack of a God to seek for security and atonement?

The funny thing is, I was dwelling on Psalm 126 when I was praying a few moments before the incident (and had even shared it with a friend this morning!).

“When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dream.  Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, ‘The Lord has done great things for them.’  The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad.  Restore our fortunes, O Lord, like streams in the Negeb!  Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!  He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him” (v. 1-6, ESV).

Jesus has graciously granted me undeserved salvation, so I am joyful and glad and tell others that “The Lord has done great things” for me.  But I also go “out weeping” because others do not know Jesus, and I bear “the seed for sowing.”  Because I know of God’s goodness to me displayed on the Cross, where He stood in my place and paid my punishment for my sin, there is a internal, produced desire to share the Gospel with people who do not know/believe it.

I don’t just want people to know about Jesus—I want them to experience the joy of being freely forgiven. 

The Psalm concludes with the coolest assurance—those who desire and labor for the salvation of nonbelievers “shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.”  If my heart is joyful at Jesus’ sacrifice on my behalf and breaking for people who do not believe the Truth of His message, He is faithful to use me in the salvation of others.  

Thankful Thursday.

I am prideful.  And because I struggle with pride, I am highly susceptible to self-pity.  Class work, readings, projects, emails, leadership positions, babysitting, struggling to be an attentive and emotionally engaged daughter, sister, friend, small group leader, and girlfriend...

Momentarily, I think my life is hard. Certainly I never verbalize it nor does the explicit thought run through my mind, but my heart is satiated with self-pity.

So focusing on some of the bajillion ways God loves me is a discipline in which I need to invest.  

Things I am thankful for this week:

1.  Farm time last Friday.

2.  I realized am verbalizing the fact that I want to control not only my life, but other people's lives.  AKA I distrust God and want to sit on the throne.  So incredibly dangerous.

3.  Beautiful NC weather!

4.  Worshipful, sanctifying lunch dates with some of my favorite girls :)

5.  Starbucks date with Laura & Morgan on Sunday afternoon.

6.  Powerful runs this week--such a release.

7.  Late night texts from Daddy :)

8.  Small group on Tuesday night since we all went home Wednesday!  We met at Royal Bean Coffee instead of my dorm room for a change of pace :)

9.  Dwelling on God's glory / Being sobered every time I read the Word.

10.  Trey & Ashley (my younger siblings) are on their spring break this week--which means hanging out with them during the day, not just when they get home from school/practice.  Words cannot express how happy I am about this and how God has already used this extra time just by being at home less than a day.