How often have girls said or heard this phrase? What does this reveal about the heart of the person who stated it?
I think it’s a cover-up; a wall. Girls use it all the time to create spiritual and/or emotional distance.
Essentially, we don’t want people to know us. We know us, and we know it’s not pretty. It’s much easier and more enjoyable for people to think we aren’t struggling; we don’t doubt; we don’t really sin.
Before I continue, I am not just talking about girls not wanting to scream, “I LOVE YOU!” to their first boyfriend a week after dating–that’s called common sense. I’m talking about girls, specifically, who only want to vacuum and never lint roll.
They run at the sound of any question about their relationship with their boyfriend–especially any question about the physicality of their relationship. What is behind this defense-mechanism is shame.
Of course they know that they are in sin, so they’re ashamed–but they don’t see Jesus as the ultimate rescuer, and so they refuse to let anyone in who might help them come to the throne empty-handed yet totally righteous.
And how do I know about all these defense-mechanisms? Because I used them too. Although I’ve never used the exact term “trust issues”, I have absolutely been guilty of making excuses for withholding truth about my relationships, my struggles, my doubts, and my heart–and it was stifling to my walk with Jesus and to my sanctification. In fact, becuase I was consistently unopened, it made crawling out of my habitual sin much more difficult.
By the grace of God alone, that period of time in my life did not last long–but it was certainly painful (so much so, that it nearly brings me to tears every time I think about how much I distanced myself from Jesus…not that tearing up is an uncommon thing for me). And I am so thankful that my sin was brought to light, addressed, and redeemed.
“…do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by Him. For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son whom He receives.’ It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?”
{Hebrews 12:5-7}
I know several girls who deal with “trust issues” in conjunction with seeing their fathers as lacking. Absence, rejection, and sin of fathers often correlates with girls who cling to their boyfriends (and hurry to find another one after a break-up), and ferociously push away any accountability or honesty from other women/girls.
As we all know, correlation does not equal causality. And as Jesus tells us, sin done to us does not equal the right to sin–just look at the Cross for that one. Was/Is Jesus sinned against? Constantly by every person who ever lived, is living, and will live. Did he sin? Not at all. Did he even go so far as to pay the price for all that wickedness? It was His joy.
“Jesus…who for the joy that was set before Him endured the Cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”
{Hebrews 12:2}
So let me be clear: No girl has an excuse to desire a boyfriend/husband more than Jesus; no girl has the right to blame their father for their “trust issues”.
However…
Thank you, Daddy, for staying in our home, for never rejecting me, for being absolutely sinful and humbly repentant (and forgiving). You always used to tell me that you loved me but loved Mommie the most. My pride was always a little crushed and I honestly was confused by it–but now (I think) I understand.
You show me how my husband is supposed to think about me. You show me how my husband is supposed to love his children. You show me how my husband is supposed to labor arduously for our family (parents, in-laws, nieces, nephews, siblings, wife, and children). You show me how to seek Jesus after death has, very literally, stared you in the face.
I am grateful to witness your sin, experience your love and sacrifice, and be a product of your marriage. Thank you for not giving me a reason to withhold my heart from honest accountability. Thank you for not giving me “trust issues” with which to struggle.
You give me reasons to look to Jesus for complete satisfaction, and I wouldn’t trade you for the world. I am so glad God gave me to you.
I mailed these items to my mom a few days ago in hopes that she would receive her chocolate covered raisins in time to celebrate this momumental holiday!
She did : ) And she sent me this picture:
Is she not the cutest?!
That woman loves chocolate covered raisins. I love that woman.
I went home this week for a wonderful time at home.
Organizing my parents’ mail, and found my dad’s copy of the Carolina Alumni Review…sporting his favorite phrase :)
I drove Bradley to Whiteville to meet a friend and his dad to drive him to Durham, where he spent Thursday – Sunday doing inner-city ministry and learning from incredibly wise people. I can’t wait to read his notes!
He didn’t want to leave Gertie, his dog/first love.
She didn’t want him to leave either…
Unrestricted, unhurried time with Jesus.
One of my favorite things about coming home. Good food.
I also took Allie on a walk everyday. I called it Project: Make the Dog Not Fat.
Not pictured: Coffee dates and car rides with girlfriends. It is so cool to see how Christ is using each of our situations to draw us further into Himself and to grow our heart for His Gospel and His mission. I am so thankful for our church in RDU, and the implications of being told again and again of our need for Jesus.
Mostly not pictured: Lots of time with my parents, grandparents, Trey and Ashley. The difficulty of loving when it is hard. (When is it easy?) And my humbled heart.
I don’t know if there is a more loving, self-sacrificing species. Mothers are the most under-appreciated people on the planet. God has given me some incredible examples of mothers…my parents’ mothers, for example.
Meet Nana. Nana is my mom’s mom. The love she has for Papa Earl is the most precious thing in the world. And she likes things the way she likes things. A day she doesn’t vacuum and dust her entire house is a day she is lazy. At 79 years old, she is taking no medication and when my little brother can’t mow her lawn on a day that she wants it to be mowed, she does it. My nearly 80-year-old grandmother uses a push mower. Needless to day, I want to be her.
A few years ago her doctor told her she might need to take medication for her high cholesterol, unless she lost about 20 pounds. Taking matters into her own hands, she started walking over a mile a day and stopped eating fried foods and more vegetables. Within a few weeks, she looked like a different person. She is probably one of the most self-motivated people I know.
Meet Magran. Magran is my dad’s mom. My dad and aunt have seen Magran not eat so that they could. Her primary concern always has been in the care of her family. And Carolina basketball. She’s hilarious, talks incessantly, tells the same stories over and over again, fusses at Papa all day long, and bends over backwards for us every day. I am so blessed to have lived in the same house as this woman (other than this year, of course) since the seventh grade.
My grandmas, other than being the best cooks Iron Chef will never see, made two of the strongest, most sacrificial, hard-working people I will ever know—my parents. They are the biggest, most lasting blessing I have. I am so indebted to those two people; God has given me so much in them. They were my first love.
I’ll save the rant about my dad for another post…
Mommie. We’ve always spelled that precious word that way. My preschool teachers used to correct me when I would make things for my mom and would spell her name that way.
They needed my help, they obviously didn’t
know which mother I was giving it to…it
wasn’t just any ole mama, it was for mine.
I’ve always been a mama’s girl. I swear, I think I came out of the womb wearing an “I heart my mom” shirt. I’ve always been attached to her and needed her. I think it’s because I’ve always wanted to be a mother, which has got to be a huge part of the reason why I’m an Elementary Ed major. I cannot get enough of kids and that motherly kind of love.
Motherly love should be it’s own noun. It’s just different. My mom always says that she’d die for my dad but she’d kill for her kids.
She used to work in the state criminal justice system…be intimidated, my mom’s a BA.
She is hands down the strongest person I know. Growing up wasn’t a walk in the park for her or her parents, and her older brother had a lot to do with that. She works her butt off with everything she does and she and my dad are the most sacrificial, wisest people I know.
She has always been my biggest fan and my best friend. I hope I love my kids half as well as she loves my siblings and me. I have laughed and cried with that woman more than anyone else in my life. Dance competitions, recitals, rehearsals, travels, appearances, errands, chores…she’s taught me to be appreciate every opportunity, every moment; to be Christ wherever He puts me. She’s always been on my about being salt—I have Jesus. Not everyone does. I am responsible and held accountable for every moment.
Other than teaching me to give myself some slack every once in a while, to BE PATIENT, to trust Christ with everything, to hand out grace like candy…she’s taught me, by example, how to love. How to love your kids, how to love your parents, how to love your husband, how to love your friends, and how to love people that are REALLY hard to love.
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies…She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks…
She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet…
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
-Psalm 31:10, 17, 20-21, 25-26
None better.
Christ’s faithfulness to me is so undeniably evident in Mommie. I truly have the best.
After a wonderful spring break at home, and a week largely spent with my parents and my brother—my heart is full.
Christ broke my heart this week for so many reasons…
- For my parents;
- For my Nana and Magran;
- For my sister;
- For my church;
- For my subconscious prideful notion that I know how to serve Him.
But He is not a God of brokenness, guilt, or fear. He is a God of renewal, peace, and love. He restored my heart through…
- The generous hearts of some people I barely know;
- My brother’s growing faith and the beginning of his realization of the reason for relationships;
- Ephesians 2:8-10:
“God saved you by His grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”
- And the thirst for Christ that someone I love is finding…nothing is better than seeing that, fyi.
We have to be broken to be made complete in Jesus. The lessening of ourselves and the forgiveness of God are the only things that consistently work. We were not made for sin and brokeness, we were made in the image of the Holy One. There is more to our purpose than darkness. There is more to our purpose than guilt. We were made for light and life abundant.
Someone I love reminded me of the awesomeness of Tenth Avenue North…thought I’d share :)
He has given us so much in this life, all of which is undeserved and underappreciated. We have so many reasons to praise Jesus. We are a loved people.
