not much time for sadness.

I feel so funny, so weird.  So I’m going to write.  To sort, to reflect.  To get a grip. 

After a long conversation with someone I love last night, I’ve realized that I have lost my perspective.  Thank God that He interceded on my behalf…like He always does…by placing that particular person right there, at that moment, to speak Truth into my hard head.  This person was pleading for me not to be discouraged, or doubtful, or negative, because the Creator and Lover of the universe is bigger than lil ole me.  There is no justifiable reason for me to be sad…

And no, I’m not talking about sad, like a frown…I’m talking a deep, almost overwhelming sadness that I can’t shake.  I dream about sad things that relate to my sadness, I think up scenarios that would bring about more sadness, and I escalate real life to make it as sad as possible—to match it to my sadness. 

How sad.

Honestly though, how desperate I am for Christ?  As a believer and lover of Jesus, what do I have to be sad about?  I have been given breath, and life today…ALL of which are utterly undeserved.  But, Christ wants those things and more for me. He wants to give me hope and joy and peace…which are so far away from the sadness I feel.

 

So anyways.  This person, after patiently listening to my complaints, tears, and the lies that Satan was feeding me, they fed me God Himself—the fact that I don’t have a reason to be constantly miserable, other than the fact that I am distancing myself from God. THAT is sad.  Not life.  Because yes, earthly life is not and will never be satisfying.  I will never be fulfilled by the things, accomplishments, and certainly not the people of this earth.  However, because Christ lives in me and His Spirit is so present in my life, my life is not sad.  I have Christ in a place where He physically is not. I have joy. Not sadness.

And the most convicting thing this person said to me was…“All of these truths I’ve been telling you, you told them to me. Countless times before.”

Yikes.

So I do know the Truth. I know that there is no reason for my sadness, for me to feel sorry for myself.  I am choosing to give into my human nature, instead of running fiercely to the Holy of Holies.

Why in the world do I always do this?

Walking with Christ makes sense. It is hard, but our encouragement is found so easily.  Why make life so much harder than it needs to be? What does that do for the Kingdom? 

Nothing.

So here’s to my gratefulness to God. For rescuing me, the helpless, lost, desperate child that I am. 

Here’s to stop feeling sorry for myself, and to start feeling for God—seeking, desiring, needing—thirsting.