God is not an angry God, but Jesus was mad when He walking into the Temple and saw the corruption going on. God grew angry when everyone but Noah and his family were sinning and denying God completely…so He flooded the whole place. Yeah, He can get a little upset, too.
But still, I hate anger. I hate the tone of voice that anger produces. I hate the tension in the air after all words have been used up, but the anger is still there.
God certainly gave me a gentle heart.
Sometimes though, pushing away my anger to make sure that my actions and thoughts are gentle is just as dangerous. Anger doesn’t go away if you just ignore it. I have to learn how to handle my anger in a way that is respectful, loving, and effective.
Even my anger toward God.
That’s right. I was angry with God. Ashamed? Of course. But I had to be honest with God. He is my best friend, and I can’t lie to Him. (He’s God, that’s just dumb.)
So I had a two hour-long conversation with God (the drive home from school…yep. I was so frustrated and upset that I called my mom and told her I was coming home right then). The first hour I told Him about my anger. It isn’t fair. I’ve worked for this. I’ve been faithful, why can’t You be faithful to me?
I mean really, could I get any dumber?
Embarrassing as it is…I went off on God. But I have a relationship with Him. I want Him to know that I am invested in His will; that I care about my role in His Kingdom.
So after all of my crying and ranting and crying and ranting…came conviction. Strong, overwhelming conviction. The Spirit came over me in a way that was so sudden. It was not daunting, but rather knowing. He knew my frustration and confusion. He knew my anger and my reasoning for being upset with Him. However, He also knew His plan and His purposes, and He knew that those purposes are greater and more perfect than my present troubles. And He reminded me of that.
He also reminded me of my struggle to have a true servant’s heart—one that is completely selfless and humble. And if my servitude to God is truly unselfish, then I should never be frustrated with the way in which He uses the fruits of my servitude. If my Love and service to God is organic, then I believe His promise to be sovereign and compassionate, and therefore have no reason for doubt or frustration—certainly not anger.
Come to find out, He is right and His ways are perfect and better than my own. He answers prayers as HE sees fit…because well, He sees many things that I cannot (and should not).
So on this day when Love is particularly celebrated and acknowledged, I feel loved beyond belief. I have a God whose patience with me is incomprehensible, whose Grace is unmatchable, and whose unfailing, unconditional, perfect Love is greater than any other thing…and so I am unworthy, but thankful. So thankful.
"So we praise God for the glorious grace He has poured out on us who belong to His dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that He purchased our freedom with His own blood and forgave our sins. Because of His LOVE, He has showered His kindness and understanding on us."
-Ephesians 1:6-8
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