Nice Words.

I love nice words.  Nice names.  I love to insult myself in a nice way. 

I often refer to myself as a people pleaser and a perfectionist. 

However, these words could not be further from the truth that spurs my awful, hideous actions.

The truth is… I am prideful and think I [have the potential to be] awesome: perfectionist.  I love for people to think I’m sugary sweet and super godly: people pleaser. 

I’ve always been this way, too.  I would go to preschool in a white dress and my mom would pick me up in a white dress.  I have vivid memories of screaming crying in my art class because I was somehow unable to draw an overall-wearing teddy bear like I could the day before in my Sunday School class.  My parents sought council to deal with a daughter obsessed with doing everything perfectly. 

Sin is innate.  I am in desperation for Christ.

I am scared of people seeing my numerous flaws…I want people to see me when I’ve got it (whatever it is) together—when Scripture is on my lips and I have the energy to be obnoxiously overly friendly to nearly everyone. 

I am no longer going to refer to myself in these false terms.  I am going to call out my innate ungodliness and renounce my sinful nature. 

Thankfully…[and I mean that in every sense of the word]…the Lord covers sin through His Gospel.  Thankfully I don’t have to have a cute outfit, coffee in hand, and a smile on my face to come into God’s presence.  Thankfully, Jesus made that possible—not me. 

My focus is not on feeling great about myself or is it on other people’s opinion of me, because the things of this earth are miniscule and unimportant. The Father is important.  His Gospel is important.  Why oh why do I focus on me when it is ALL about Him?

“He must become greater; I must become less.”

- John 3:30