I often
refer to myself as a people pleaser
and a perfectionist.
However,
these words could not be further from the truth that spurs my awful, hideous
actions.
The truth
is… I am prideful and think I [have the potential to be] awesome: perfectionist. I love for people to think I’m sugary
sweet and super godly: people
pleaser.
I’ve always
been this way, too. I would go to
preschool in a white dress and my mom would pick me up in a white dress. I have vivid memories of screaming
crying in my art class because I was somehow unable to draw an overall-wearing
teddy bear like I could the day before in my Sunday School class. My parents sought council to deal with a daughter obsessed with doing everything
perfectly.
Sin is innate. I
am in desperation for Christ.
I am scared
of people seeing my numerous flaws…I
want people to see me when I’ve got it (whatever it is) together—when Scripture is on my lips and I have the energy
to be obnoxiously overly friendly to nearly everyone.
I am no
longer going to refer to myself in these false terms. I am going to call out my innate ungodliness and renounce my
sinful nature.
Thankfully…[and I mean that in every sense of the word]…the
Lord covers sin through His Gospel.
Thankfully I don’t have to have a cute outfit, coffee in hand, and a
smile on my face to come into God’s presence. Thankfully, Jesus made that possible—not me.
My focus is
not on feeling great about myself or is it on other people’s opinion of me,
because the things of this earth are miniscule and unimportant. The Father is
important. His Gospel is
important. Why oh why do I focus
on me when it is ALL about Him?
“He must become
greater; I must become less.”
- John 3:30
