Start spreadin’ the news…

New York was challenging, uncomfortable, stretching, wonderful, and refining.  My heart is broken for the people of this city.  While we read our pastor’s book about how to most effectively relate to and share the Gospel with the Islam community, we encountered multiple religions. 

And speaking of sharing the Gospel, aka evangelism (because the word “evangel” means “Good News” = the Gospel), I was, prior to this trip, very much against it.  I thought the only way that I could and should share Christ was through long, deep friendships, hoping that my friends would eventually see something different in me and thus realize their sin, need for Jesus, and would accept Him as their Savior and Lord of their life.  I had never experienced or participated in any sort of evangelical practice, and I had closed my mind to the idea that God could use it for His purposes. 

But God does not let His children, if they thirst for Him, go thirsty.  I desired Him and He revealed a little more of His power to me.  Once again, the Father replaced my doubts by allowing me to fall deeper in love with Him.  I so often try to limit Christ to my mind, my experiences, my comfort.  Oh but He is SO much more than that.  Dave Turner, the Summit College Pastor, who led our trip, frequently stated that God became bigger to Him that week, and I would have to agree. 

Our group of 23 college students were split into triads (quarto trio!!!) to go out into various regions of the city to talk to people, ask questions, and to find hearts that were receptive to Christ.  I was scared and just felt awkward (there was LOTS of awkward conversations on this trip, most of which was hilarious). 

The first day we went out, Miles, Marissa and I were prayer walking when I saw two men (probably in their mid-forties/early fifties) coming toward us on the sidewalk.  I asked them where we could find some chai tea (to hopefully engage in a conversation with someone at a restaurant/store) and they told us they were going to a place now and for us to join them.  Long story short, the three of us spent about two hours with three Muslim men (one was very devout) who bought us chai tea and a Middle Eastern lunch.  We talked about their children, their jobs, their mosque, and all about Islam and Christianity.  We were able to share the Gospel with them over the course of the conversation and they politely declined.  I know that Christ was overjoyed.  Not in our words, but in the hearts of the three men.  Those men are experiencing the Holy Spirit.  They are incredibly humble, respectful—so much so that before we began to eat I asked if they wanted to pray over the food and asked if I could thank God for it, and they let me pray (they pray “five” (I say it in quotations because they told us themselves that they do not strictly follow this pillar of Islam) times a day so they do not pray over a meal). 

I was so overwhelmed and grateful that Christ allowed me that opportunity to share the intimacy with Him that I have with those men.  God’s faithfulness to me and to them is eternal.  

Another long story short/an event worth mentioning (this is the exact spot where Brad taught me how to shag!)

...Tuesday night a group of 6 of us: Brian, Jen, Brad, myself, Nick, and Rebecca...

...were invited by a group of Christian adults who were members of Times Square Church (which we visited) to attend a celebration of the Jewish holiday called "Shavuot", or the giving of the Torah.  The celebration, which was held at the Manhattan Jewish Community Center (crazy enough that we got to go...I had my Bible in my purse, ha!) lasted until 4am and had instructors leading sessions about various topics/arguments in the Jewish community all throughout the night.  The six of us had comforting Christian fellowship by just having each other, as well as our new Christian friends, in the room as we mingled with other people there.  God opened the door for me to have an insightful conversation with a Jewish woman, with whom I was able to share the Gospel.  

After our session ended we left at around 12:30am and headed back to the subway to make our way back into Queens where we were staying.  Needless to say, we got lost.  For 2 hours.  In the subways of New York.  The boys were trying to be manly and assigned themselves to each of us to "watch."  Brian was pretty much leading us that night through the subways, but it wasn't until Nick and I quickly prayed that God would just lead us home (we had to be up at 7am the next day, mind you) that we got on the right subway.  

Even though we got 4 hours of sleep that night, the trip was wonderful.  God has never shattered my doubts so quickly and I have never before felt so close to a group of people so quickly.  They all are crazy about Jesus and furthering the Gospel and His Kingdom.  I learn something from them everyday.  

Now for the random New York pictures...

One of the last nights of the trip our CP group split up into our two teams (Dager's Dangerous Dozen and The Eleven).  3-D had a wonderful dinner and then ran around the streets of New York playing ninja, eyes/toes, and tag-no-tag-backs to and from Wendy's where we shagged:

The last day Shelley and I shared the biggest sandwich I have ever laid eyes on...

Seriously. I couldn't handle it.

What's one of the first things a dancer's gotta do when she walks onto the streets of New York? Dance of course! Beautiful Christa and I doing barre on 8th Avenue. No big deal.

Last night in that beautiful place...heart to heart with sweet Jen :)

Because I promised a picture of *dazzling* purple house...ta-da!!

And these are the crazy, absolutely WONDERFUL, godly, fun, drop-dead gorgeous girls that with whom I abide :)...on the Brooklyn Bridge

   Jen Tay (my awesome roomie!), Jen (there's 3 on this trip), Christa, Laura, Christa, and myself. 

Let the chaos ensue...

City Project has officially begun!  My parents and I drove up to Durham on yesterday and got to the house—which is pink and purple (pictures WILL be coming, you have to see this)—at about 1-1:30pm.  We met the owner, Joanna Lynn, and she immediately put us to work (my kinda girl).  My dad, Joanna, and I worked on nailing the hard wood panels into the floor while my mom cleaned off a gazillion bookshelves.  There’s a decent amount of work on the floors that still needs to be done in our house, but it should be completely finished by the time we return from Queens, NY!  It should be noted, however, that all the girls had a place to sleep last night, so no worries there!

Speaking of the girls…there’s 6 of us.  Jen Tay arrived shortly after I did, so we got to pick the best room :) aka we don’t have to share a bed because we both move around in our sleep, which could and would likely be dangerous.  So she’s my roommate, and just graduated from UNC-Chapel Hill with a double major in Poli Sci and International Relations.  Then there’s Christa, who is a rising junior at Meredith and an Exercise and Sports Science major, who is rooming with Laura, who is a rising senior at NC State!  Christine just graduated from UNC as well and she is rooming with Jen, who is a rising Junior at State (woohoo!).  I already love all of these girls and am so excited to be living with girls who are older and wiser than myself.  Being the oldest of 3 kids, I’m usually the one who always knows what’s going on and answers questions.  But Lord knows I struggle with relinquishing control and completely trusting Him, so already He is at work! 

Joanna Lynn is awesome.  She is crazy enough to let 6 college girls live in her house!  There are 4 bedrooms and 4 baths, leaving 3 of each for us 6.  Other than the house being a work in progress, it is adorable.  Yes, from seeing the exterior, it looks like Crayola made a house built the house, but it is beautiful on the inside.  Joanna works with refugees through Church World Services and is well-traveled.  So there are all these knick-knacks from Asian and African countries scattered throughout her home; it is gorgeous (again, pictures will be coming!). 

After a day of moving our stuff, some of the guys’ stuff, and a trip to a sweet thrift store, we met all the City Project students and most of the staff at a nearby Ben and Jerry’s.  We were told virtually nothing about what we were going to be doing the next day, just to meet at Duke Gardens at 8:30am and wear comfy clothes.  We talked for 2 hours and then the 6 of us girls and some of the guys went to Kroger’s to grocery shop for the week!  We were given $50 and spent $49.35.  Success.  We all eat fairly healthy and Christine and I eat practically the same so that’s nice to have someone in the house that also doesn’t eat red meat or fried foods! 

We were up around 7:15 this morning and when we got to the gardens we prayed together and then everyone went out in the gardens to spend 2 hours in solitude with Christ.  We were given a passage in John 15 over which to pray…

It was difficult for me to quiet my thoughts enough at first to allow Him to refine my heart, as my mind was on other people that I wanted to pray for…my gratitude for other people's generosity to allow me to get here, my family, my sweet boyfriend, my girls, other City Project students.  But when I stopped to open my mind and spirit to let God in again, my prayers for other things were filled with so much more peace. 

I also bonded with/enjoyed watching/was occasionally afraid of lots of ducks and funny-looking birds by a pond…

After our time at Duke Gardens we were split up into teams (I’m Team 1, aka Dager’s Dangerous Dozen, because Jeremy Dager is our team leader, what what!).  The girls from D-cubed will be one discipleship group and the guys will have their own, and the same for Team 2, aka The Eleven.  Both teams were then given instructions and Dager’s Dangerous Dozen proceeded to dominate the “Durham Free Mason Race” where we saved the world from mass destruction in less than 4 hours.  Really we did a scavenger hunt in 98 degree weather with barely any breeze, carrying bags and bookbags, and pushing one of our teammates (a guy, no less) in a wheelchair the whole time (because a girl on the other team tore her ACL and had to be in one, so KJ decided to make it fair). 

We won the scavenger hunt; no surprise there.  I am quite experienced when it comes to scavenger hunts.  But we weren’t allowed to run at all, which was very difficult/frustrating and we couldn’t split up.  The hunt started at Duke Gardens and took us to the Durham Bulls stadiums, and ALL around downtown Durham.  It was great bonding/team building time…it quickly revealed personalities and was just very very hot. 

After our lunch at 2:45 (it was free, no complaints), we were dropped off at the house to shower and get ready.  Then we all went to Wendy Clark’s home, where 4 City Project girls are staying: Lauren, Sarah, Jenny, and Rebecca (Jenny and Rebecca are proud members of D-cubed).   All the City Project students, staff, and host families were there for a cookout and a relaxing time.  I love times like these where after a long day we remember our precious time with the Lord this morning, and how and why He has all brought us together. 

A bunch of the students then went to the guy’s apartments and played Catch Phrase and Family til about 10:30.  Bed is at 12:30.  Wish it was earlier.  I'm sure it will be tomorrow.  

Not Wasting My Summer.

     I have been very hesitant to write about how I will be spending my time this summer…mainly because it is something that many people will read about and say, “What a great person, good for her, she stayed a Christian in college. Kayla was always sweet, I think I’ll write her a check.”  I hate that whole process.  Telling people about my future “good” deeds, asking them for their hard-earned money (borderline guilt-tripping because I’m so “good”), and them writing a check because they were convinced. 

     That is not the way in which the church should support its fellow members.  Unless we know each other personally, and you have personally seen Christ in me and personally feel like supporting me prayerfully and financially will be a service to the Lord, I do not want your money.  Your money could go somewhere else, what I want you to hear (read) is one part of the story of God’s great faithfulness to me. 

     All my life, being a Christian was easy.  My parents were/are incredible examples of what seeking Christ looks like, nearly all of my close friends (aka “sleepover friends”), were all Christians that came from Christian families (and my church), and most of the girls and dance moms from my dance studio where I spent most of my time were Christians.  I was surrounded by accountability and love.  Loving Jesus and living for Him was easy to do, or to at least appear as if I was doing it. 

     The summer before my junior year of high school was when I began to take my faith in Christ much more seriously.  From those few months of my intense realization of my desperation for Christ, I have grown and learned and been drawn closer to God. 

     Now I am 3 exams and 10 days away from completing my first year at NC State.  I have been blown away by God’s faithfulness to me in this place.  Never before have I been more challenged in my beliefs and actions, but I have also never had the intimacy with Christ that we’ve developed as a result of the steadfast encouragement and Love that I’ve received because of Him this year. 

     This summer will be a time like no other.  I do not need to earn money and I do not need to be home.  I am getting older but I’m still young.  God has given me a heart for service and it is the way in which I feel like Christ is most served in me.  So this summer I am participating in The City Project, supported by my church at school, Summit Church. 

     There are about 30 college students who are participating, mostly all from North Carolina.  On May 31^st I will move into a house in inner city Durham, NC with a bunch of other girls, most (if not all) of whom are older than me.  We will stay there for 3 days and then travel to Queens, NY for 10 days to spread the Gospel to a Muslim community.  To help us with this daunting task…

How in the world am I gonna share Christ with people whose beliefs have been so fervently engrained into their minds?

     …our pastor, J.D. Geear, has published a book entitled, Breaking the Islam Code, that we will read prior to going to Queens.  Pastor J.D. spent 2 years living in a Muslim country and has heavily studied Islam.  He shares how to best reach these people in a compassionate, non-judgmental way, largely by drawing on parallels between our two faiths.  

     Upon returning to Durham, I will be taking a seminary class, Christian Philosophy, from a professor at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary during the mornings.  During the day I will be doing an internship with a ministry at the Summit (I haven’t found out yet which ministry I will serve).  And during the late afternoon/night I will be involved in serving the inner city community in which we will be living (details to come later).   

     After 5 ½ weeks of living in Durham, half of the group will travel to Malaysia and the other half (my group!) will fly to KENYA!!!!  Details about Kenya are becoming clearer as the beginning of the summer approaches, but what we have been told is that we will be serving alongside missionaries there to help build school(s), participate in feeding programs, visit orphanages and HIV/AIDS clinics, and build relationships with people who are stronger than I.  

     If you would like to support my service to Muslims in Queens, the people of inner city Durham, the people of my church that I will serve through my internship, the people of Kenya, and Christ’s work in me, then first, pray.  Pray that the people whom we will try to reach will have open hearts and that God will give us the strength we, as a City Project team, will need to effectively and humbly share the salvation and goodness that only comes from Christ. 

     The total cost for me to participate in this project is $4,500.  I currently have raised $3,030.  God will be faithful as He always has been faithful, and I have been given far more than I could ever need, but if you feel that giving to my participation in The City Project will be of service to the Lord, then please join me in my excitement of God’s work this summer!

     If you would like to write a check, The Summit Church's address is:

          2335-114 Presidential Drive

          Durham, NC 27703

     I am scared and anxious, but mostly excited for this summer.  I have never done something like this, by myself, not knowing anyone…but my trust in God is growing and my trust in myself is diminishing.  He is building His character, slowly but surely, in me and equipping me for the work He has planned for me.   

…Cometh before the fall.

I am most inspired/dying to write a blog post when I’ve messed up, or when I’m really really grateful.  There is a common factor here:  God’s goodness. 

It’s so freakin’ ob-vi-ous…if I look.  It’s easy to see Christ if I go to Him, if I’m wanting, if I’m needing, if I’m thirsting.

“Seeing the crowds, He went up on

 the mountain, and when He sat

down, His disciples came to Him.”

-       Matthew 5:1

God has brought me back to this verse over and over again…that if I want to be a disciple for Christ, I have to move.  Being stagnant and comfortable is simply not an option.  It is a temptation with which I struggle and is a way that the Lord is forcing surrender in me.  I have to give up my intentions (even if they seem “good” to me) and relentlessly pursue God’s purposes. 

I’m controlling.  There.  I said it.  I like things to be done “right.”  AKA: my way.  Relentlessly pursuing God’s purposes is certainly not something that I avoid…but I tend to decide what I want and assume that God’s grace will be over my endeavors.  I act irrationally a lot; not giving God enough time to saturate my prayers, thoughts, and then actions.   

Not exactly the picture I get of Jesus…who is patient and loving.  He has revealed places in my heart that are more consumed with my sinful desire and less of His perfect Love…on a (literally) daily basis.  And some days are better than others, and it is all determined by the amount of time I spend talking to Jesus versus the amount of time I spend listening to Him. 

I’m learning a slow, long, hard lesson in pride.  I hate hate hate that I struggle with this.  I have never thought of myself as prideful…

(go ahead, laugh at the irony, I did!)

…but rather as a young woman with a compassionate spirit. 

Don’t get me wrong, I do know that I am certainly not compassionless, God definitely gave me a tender heart (or just weepy eyes), but the hastiness in which I involve myself in my own desires and need for production and personal performance is sinful. 

The pastor at the church that I attend while at school, J.D. Geear, has said,

“We cannot fully understand the greatness of God because we

do not fully understand the severity of our sins.” 

Boy is the Lord showing me the severity of my sins…so I’m tasting His eminent mercy. 

Once again, I find His grace to be abundant and immediate.  The craziest/most brilliant beyond brilliant (Parent Trap reference, anyone?!) part about receiving His mercy, is that I found it not only from Him, but from people who I never thought would give it. 

It is not often that I am humbled this way, because the majority of my friends follow Christ, and so when I apologize to them, I almost always receive forgiveness and grace.  And in my past experiences with people who do not know Christ, I have not found complete mercy.  So in the past two days, two people who I never thought would fully forgive me, did.  I don’t even think they needed my apology.  Of course, I needed to show them my remorse, utter regret, and love for them, but I could tell that they had already forgiven me; they had already let it go. 

How often to I expect an apology?  How often do I want people to tell me they are sorry and will honestly try to improve?  Almost every time I’m wronged.   I don’t want to be needy or impatient.  I want to be understanding of others and thirsty for God. 

“My heart is not proud…

But I have stilled and quieted my soul;

like a weaned child with its mother,

 like a weaned child is my soul within me. 

O Israel, put your hope in the Lord both

now and forevermore.”

-       Psalm 131:1-3

This is the heart I want to have.  A patient, humble, hopeful heart that earnestly looks to Christ—one that is grateful for grace when grace is received.  I want to always see His grace, and run to His ways instead of my own.  Run to the accountability He has given me before I act.  Run to His Word instead of my irrational thoughts.  Humble my heart before I even form a thought. 

Still and quiet my soul.    

Lord, humble my heart before I even form a thought.  

Mothers.

I don’t know if there is a more loving, self-sacrificing species.  Mothers are the most under-appreciated people on the planet.  God has given me some incredible examples of mothers…my parents’ mothers, for example. 

Meet Nana.  Nana is my mom’s mom.  The love she has for Papa Earl is the most precious thing in the world.  And she likes things the way she likes things.  A day she doesn’t vacuum and dust her entire house is a day she is lazy.  At 79 years old, she is taking no medication and when my little brother can’t mow her lawn on a day that she wants it to be mowed, she does it.  My nearly 80-year-old grandmother uses a push mower.  Needless to day, I want to be her. 

A few years ago her doctor told her she might need to take medication for her high cholesterol, unless she lost about 20 pounds.  Taking matters into her own hands, she started walking over a mile a day and stopped eating fried foods and more vegetables.  Within a few weeks, she looked like a different person.  She is probably one of the most self-motivated people I know. 

Meet Magran.  Magran is my dad’s mom.  My dad and aunt have seen Magran not eat so that they could.  Her primary concern always has been in the care of her family.  And Carolina basketball.  She’s hilarious, talks incessantly, tells the same stories over and over again, fusses at Papa all day long, and bends over backwards for us every day.  I am so blessed to have lived in the same house as this woman (other than this year, of course) since the seventh grade.

My grandmas, other than being the best cooks Iron Chef will never see, made two of the strongest, most sacrificial, hard-working people I will ever know—my parents.  They are the biggest, most lasting blessing I have.  I am so indebted to those two people; God has given me so much in them.  They were my first love. 

I’ll save the rant about my dad for another post…

Mommie.  We’ve always spelled that precious word that way.  My preschool teachers used to correct me when I would make things for my mom and would spell her name that way. 

They needed my help, they obviously didn’t

 know which mother I was giving it to…it

wasn’t just any ole mama, it was for mine.

I’ve always been a mama’s girl.  I swear, I think I came out of the womb wearing an “I heart my mom” shirt.  I’ve always been attached to her and needed her.  I think it’s because I’ve always wanted to be a mother, which has got to be a huge part of the reason why I’m an Elementary Ed major.  I cannot get enough of kids and that motherly kind of love. 

Motherly love should be it’s own noun.  It’s just different.  My mom always says that she’d die for my dad but she’d kill for her kids. 

She used to work in the state criminal justice system…be intimidated, my mom’s a BA. 

She is hands down the strongest person I know.  Growing up wasn’t a walk in the park for her or her parents, and her older brother had a lot to do with that.  She works her butt off with everything she does and she and my dad are the most sacrificial, wisest people I know. 

She has always been my biggest fan and my best friend.  I hope I love my kids half as well as she loves my siblings and me.  I have laughed and cried with that woman more than anyone else in my life.  Dance competitions, recitals, rehearsals, travels, appearances, errands, chores…she’s taught me to be appreciate every opportunity, every moment; to be Christ wherever He puts me.  She’s always been on my about being salt—I have Jesus.  Not everyone does.  I am responsible and held accountable for every moment. 

Other than teaching me to give myself some slack every once in a while, to BE PATIENT, to trust Christ with everything, to hand out grace like candy…she’s taught me, by example, how to love.  How to love your kids, how to love your parents, how to love your husband, how to love your friends, and how to love people that are REALLY hard to love. 

A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies… She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks…

She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet…

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

-Psalm 31:10, 17, 20-21, 25-26

None better. 

Christ’s faithfulness to me is so undeniably evident in Mommie.  I truly have the best. 

Love on your mama…she needs it. 

Brokenness.

After a wonderful spring break at home, and a week largely spent with my parents and my brother—my heart is full. 

Christ broke my heart this week for so many reasons…

            - For my parents;

            - For my Nana and Magran;

            - For my sister;

            - For my church;

            - For my subconscious prideful notion that I know how to serve Him.

But He is not a God of brokenness, guilt, or fear.  He is a God of renewal, peace, and love.  He restored my heart through…

            - The generous hearts of some people I barely know;           

  - My brother’s growing faith and the beginning of his realization of the reason for relationships;

            - Ephesians 2:8-10:

“God saved you by His grace when you believed.  And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.  Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.  For we are God’s masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”  

           

  - And the thirst for Christ that someone I love is finding…nothing is better than seeing that, fyi.  

We have to be broken to be made complete in Jesus.  The lessening of ourselves and the forgiveness of God are the only things that consistently work.  We were not made for sin and brokeness, we were made in the image of the Holy One.   There is more to our purpose than darkness. There is more to our purpose than guilt.  We were made for light and life abundant. 

Someone I love reminded me of the awesomeness of Tenth Avenue North…thought I’d share :)

He has given us so much in this life, all of which is undeserved and underappreciated.  We have so many reasons to praise Jesus.  We are a loved people.  

grace beyond reason.

Being humbled is one of the toughest things that God can put you through.  But, (and that’s a big but), it is the one of the best things that you could ever experience. 

As a disciple, I like to think that I’m fairly “good”, i.e. Jesus is constantly on my mind and therefore I usually try to be as much like Him as I can.  Fortunately, I am not capable of being Jesus all of the time—some days even most of the time.  If I want to be like Christ every minute, I have to need Christ every minute

…which just goes back to thirsting for Him. 

I have been overwhelmed by grace this past week.  I am blessed to know some of the most loving, serving, compassionate people on this earth.  They don’t try to cover up my flaws, but rather, let Christ reveal them to me (which He certainly does, thank goodness!), and then are there for encouragement during my time of repentance and forgiveness. 

“God Himself expressed His longing for Love…like a jilted lover who, against all reason, gives his faithless beloved one more chance.”

            -Philip Yancey

His mercy is so unlike us.  I would never take back a boyfriend who was faithless.  Heck no. 

But (here I go again with the “buts”), I guess that’s why God is God and I am Kayla.  Because somebody had to love somebody unconditionally…and it sure as Heaven would not have been me.

“What does God get in return?  He gets adopted children who are petty, petulant, spoiled, demanding, argumentative, mistrusting, angry, critical, and an irritant to everyone but God…Nevertheless, our God bought us with an infinite price and intends on seeing us crowned with His very glory.”

            -Dan B. Allender

It is hard to love people who get on my nerves, who are petty, spoiled, and just irritating…but how often am I those things to other people?  Does my desire and need to be loved dwindle because I have flaws?

All of a sudden loving those who are hard to love seems like more of an urgent responsibility, rather than a dreaded task that I’ll get to eventually.  

God knew that I was going to be obnoxious, demanding, and (extremely) mistrusting…but He chose to love me anyway. 

Grace beyond reason.  Grace abundant.